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Oh Oh, Saddam's Getting Angry posted 07.22.05
I guess our old friend Saddam Hussein is getting fed up with the fact that he hasn't had regular access to his attorney. The former Iraqi dictator was recently hearing charges against him from a special Iraqi tribunal judge, when he started protesting that the proceedings against him were illegitimate because he wasn't able to talk to his lawyer when he wanted to. Poor guy, I mean what kind of society does that? Oh yeah...I almost forgot...HIS kind of society. The kind that will shock someone's genitals with electrodes if they don't agree with their government. Quit your complaining wolfman...it could be much, much worse. Legit Online Headshop...check it out & help keep canadianguy.org online!
Michael Jackson Moving to Europe? posted 07.21.05
Well I guess "The King of Pop" has finally had enough of the good ole' USA. According to the Jackson family advisor, Mr. Jackson is planning a move to either Berlin, or somewhere in Switzerland. Apparently Michael has fallen in love with the people of Europe because of their unwavering support during his most recent child molestation case. Hmmm...I wonder if Americans not letting their children sleep over at his house anymore has anything to do it? Or maybe it's just the newest sexual assault case against him that has Jacko frustrated with America. Oh well, anything that gets him further away from my kids is welcome news to me. Jude Law Porks the Nanny posted 07.19.05
Jude Law, the movie-star extraordinaire of Hollywood blockbusters such as "Cold Mountain" and errr....ummm...well....other big-time movies, was recently caught in bed with his children's nanny, by, ahem.....one of his children. Who can blame him though? The dudes been engaged now for like 8 months to Sienna Miller, and we all know how long 8 months is in Hollywood time. Poor bastard, I bet he was set up by his ex-wife Sadie Frost. After all, she was the one who hired Daisy Wright, the 26-year-old nanny he put his penis inside of. Man, I'm sure glad that I'm not in show business, those guys can never seem to catch a break. China to Send Pig Sperm to Space posted 07.17.05  +  +  = WTF?Those wacky Chinese...origami, movable type, and now, pig sperm in space. Seriously, what will they think of next? When the Shenzhou VI spacecraft launches this October, space will never be the same. Along with the 2 Chinese astronauts who will orbit the earth 5 or 6 times, the spacecraft will also be carrying about 40 grams of pig semen. According to Chinese officials, they want to monitor the effects of microgravity on sperm. And here I thought that everybody already knew that women can't get knocked up in space. Now if they would've taken just a few minutes to give me a call, I could have saved the Chinese people billions of dollars. Don't they know that the best and most fail-safe method for birth control is to do it upside-down? Ugghh...idiots! China Ready to Nuke USA? posted 07.15.05
So I was reading my daily dose of Drudge this morning when I saw the headline, "China Ready to Use N-Weapons Against USA." I almost shit in my pants. I mean, what a comforting thought. Totally reminded me of what it was like to be eight years old again, only back then they called themselves the "Soviets." Well that...and I don't remember them being so freakin' crazy. One of the Chinese generals (may have been General Long Duk Dong but I can't quite recall) said that his country is willing to lose their cities to US nukes, but the US will lose hundreds of her own cities. Now from what I understand, these lil' Chinese dudes want to take back their control of a small island called Taiwan, and for whatever reason, we seem to be willing to protect that island's independence at all costs. Oh well, I guess it's about time that I finished that old bomb shelter of mine. I've got plenty of Perry Como records and lots of Honeymooners reruns to keep me entertained...oh wait, never mind, that's actually from the movie "Blast from the Past." Mariah Carey Bares Her Milk Bags posted 07.14.05
Apparently Mariah Carey pulled a Janet Jackson and had what we now know as a "wardrobe malfunction." The crazy diva was on a German TV show when her dress fell apart leaving the audience with a brief glimpse of what I believe to be her synthetic titties. The peep show didn't last long though, as floor managers quickly turned off the lights.( those bastards) Said Mariah during the incident, "Someone bring me a jacket or the show's off, we all know how quickly these images can spread around the world." Apparently she's wrong though, because I still haven't found a pic of this great moment in human history. Don't you freakin' Germans have camera phones? However, I did find this.(NSFW) Oh well, don't fret Mariah, life could be worse, just ask your sister.
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